


I wish things could have been different

by King_Cipher



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: DaiSuga Angst, Daichi gets punched, M/M, Noya angy, Suicide Attempt, Sum Fluff, This Is Sad, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26021908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/King_Cipher/pseuds/King_Cipher
Summary: Just some good old Daisuga angst.TW: Suicide attempt
Relationships: Daichi Sawamura/ Sugawara Koshi, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Noya/ Asahi, daisuga
Comments: 1
Kudos: 48





	I wish things could have been different

The crowd was dead silent as the volleyball wobbled on the net. Date Tech’s iron wall stopped Asahi from spiking the ball into their side, but the ball still flew. It flew up and over to the side, eventually falling onto the net and swaying from side to side, deciding whose favour it was in. After a second or two of thick, tense silence, the ball tipped in favour of Karasuno. Date Tech’s number 6 dove in for the ball, but he was too slow. The referee’s whistle cut through the dense silence as the crowd began to roar.   
After the game, as Karasuno was exiting, Suga and Daichi walked side by side.   
“You got your revenge,” Daichi said, with a smile on his face.   
“Yeah!” Suga started, “but of course…. I would have liked to beat them with my own tosses” he said, coming to a halt. Daichi frowned gently,stopping too. and looked up, seeming a little upset.  
“S-sorry!! Let’s keep that between us.” Suga said, putting his hand on the back of his head and laughing a little.  
“That’s a relief,” Daichi said, still looking forward. “I’m glad you’re still keeping yourself in the game.”  
Suga looked a little surprised and guilty. “Yeah…..” he said nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

The bus ride back was silent, everyone sleeping. Everyone but the coaches and Suga. His mind replayed the game, knowing he didn’t win. Karasuno won but he wasn’t the one throwing those scoring tosses. His chest squeezed as his eyes stung with tears. Was he even on the team anymore? It didn’t feel like he was. His team jacket felt heavy in his shoulders, so heavy it hurt. He fought back the tears as he took off his jacket. His chest ached, knowing he didn’t deserve to be on the team. He didn’t deserve to stand on the court. But he couldn’t tell them that. He looked over at daichis sleeping face. Daichi looked so peaceful, so at rest.   
So beautiful, Suga thought, his eyes welling up. They had an important game tomorrow against Aoba Johsai, but suga knew he wouldn’t be used. He closed his eyes and put his head on the window, falling into a dreamless, heavy sleep.   
Maybe a half an hour later, the bus came to a stop. Sugas head had fallen into Daichi’s shoulder. Daichi woke up to the squeal of the breaks to find Suga passed right out. Daichi smiled a little, just enjoying the feeling for a moment. Yet, his smile was short lived. He noticed the slight redness on Sugawara’s cheeks, still a little puffy around the eyes. Suga had been crying. Recently. He decided not to say anything and just wake Suga up gently. He shook Suga lightly, saying his name softly. Sugas eyes opened up slowly, blinking multiple times from the light. Once he realised that he was leaning on Daichi’s shoulders, his face flushed red and he jumped back with a yelp.   
“Daichi!!! I-,” Suga began, but was interrupted by daichis laugh.   
“Suga! Don’t worry about it!” Daichi said, smiling.   
Everyone got off the bus and began to go their separate ways, Hinata and Kageyama heading to the gym to practice a little bit more. Those two were always way too hyper. Suga started walking and daichi went after him, offering to walk Sugawara home. Suga initially declined but eventually accepted the invitation.   
On the way, there was a tense, thick silence.   
“So! What did you think about the plays today?” Daichi asked, trying to break the quiet.   
“They…they were good…” Suga said, his voice breaking. Daichi Looked at him, alarmed. Tears were streaming down Sugas face as he choked on his sobs. The pair stopped immediately, Suga falling onto his knees. Daichi fell with him, immediately putting his arms around Sugas shoulders and holding him tight. “Suga??? Suga?!!!” Daichi said as Suga sobbed in his arms.   
“D-Daichi….I…” Suga sputtered out. He began to tell Daichi everything, words pouring out faster than his tears. Suga said everything, from his desire to belong, to his multiple suicide attempts and all the times he’s taken a few too many pills just hoping something would happen. Daichi just sat and listened, every word like an arrow shooting into him. He cared for Suga. A lot. More than Daichi wanted to admit. He couldn’t believe his ears. He didn’t want to believe it. As much as it hurt, daichi refused to cry. Instead, he just held Suga tight and told him repeatedly that he wasn’t being replaced, and talked about how much Suga meant to him. Daichi fought back his tears, trying hard to put on a strong facade for Suga. He needed to be strong. Eventually, Suga stopped crying. He yawned, digging his head Into Daichis shoulder. Suga fell asleep right away, exhausted from sobbing. Daichi looked at Sugas sleeping face, his eyes flicking from feature to feature. His heart squeezed as he thought about how perfect Suga was, and hurt knowing that Suga saw the opposite. His eyes burned with tears but he couldn’t let them fall. Not in front of Suga. Daichi stood up, carrying Suga bridal style. They were much closer to daichis then they were to Sugas. So, daichi took Suga to his house. Upon arrival, Daichi laid Suga down on his bed and tucked him in gently. Daichi used the house phone to call sugas parents to let them know Suga was safe and staying at his house. After the call, Daichi got ready for bed and went to blow up the air Mattress he kept in his closet for when he had friends over. Though as soon as Daichi pulled out the mattress, Suga began whimpering gently. Daichi looked over, alarmed upon hearing sugas soft whimpers. Sugas face twisted into a look of pain, his hands twitching slightly. Daichi couldn’t stand to see Suga like that, so he climbed into the bed and pulled Suga to his chest. Daichi could smell the soft, almost flowery scent wafting off of Suga. Probably his shampoo. Sugas' whimpers dulled a little bit, but his face still bore a pained expression. Without thinking, Daichi ran his fingers through Sugas soft hair, playing with it and twirling it through his fingers. Sugas expression softened, slowly turning into a relaxed one. As soon as Daichi went to remove his hand, Suga began to whimper again. So, naturally, Daichi put his hand right back, and of course, the whimpers stopped. Daichis eyes flicked from how soft Sugas lips looked, to how his skin seemed to glitter in the moonlight, to how his eyelashes seemed to curl perfectly. Everything about Suga was just so perfect. Before Daichi even knew it, he had passed out with Suga sleeping quietly on his chest. Eventually, the alarm to get ready for the Aoba Johsai game went off and Daichi jumped, immediately waking up Suga. Daichis face flushed dark red upon remembering how the duo had fallen asleep the night before. Suga jumped up and slammed his back into the wall as he fell over his words, stumbling and stuttering. Daichi silenced the alarm, attempting to reassure Sugawara that it was fine. The two of them got ready and went to the school to take the bus to the Aoba Johsai game. It was fully possible that today could be their last game. Daichi puffed just chest out with pride as his eyes swept across the team. He knew they’d fight with everything they had.

Although, at the game, Daichi was focused on sugas expressions. When he spoke to teammates or had people looking at him, they were bright and warm. But as soon as they stopped, his expression contorted into one of pain. At one point, Suga was asked to toss instead of Kageyama, and his face lit up at the opportunity. Dachis face would heat up whenever sugas began to shine with excitement. Suga hyped up every member of the team, lighting up that good old team spirit. Suga gave them hope. Daichi knew that’s what made Suga such an amazing setter, was his connection with every member of the team. He knew just what to do for them to fight their hardest to win. Though, he didn’t get to stay in the game for long. He went right back to the side, Kageyama taking back the field. At this point, Daichi has begun to realise he had feelings for Suga, but he shook it off. He refused to believe it. He had already caused Suga so much pain and suffering. Daichi knew that he’s what caused Suga to hurt. He could never allow himself to be with Suga, because he would only make things so much worse. They ended up losing the game, Daichi losing focus. Sugas crying played in his mind on loop. The team gave it their all but it still wasn’t enough. They went home that night, crushed from the loss. Kageyama took the loss especially hard, only confining in Hinata. The two didn’t even go to practice sets after the game, they didn’t even race home. Suga and Daichi Barely met one another in the eyes. Daichi didn’t want to cause Suga any more pain, so they just went their separate ways. 

The next morning, Daichi knew something was wrong. He immediately called sugas house, having a horrible feeling in his gut. Sugas mother answered, choking out broken words between her sobs. Daichi was informed that Sugawara was in the intensive care unit, unconscious and having his stomach pumped to get all the pills out. If they were just a little bit later, sugawara would have been dead. Daichi held his composure for the duration of the call, giving his condolences and asking to be regularly updated on the situation. Though as soon as the call ended, Daichi dropped to the floor. Hot tears streamed down his face as he slammed his fists into the floor. Daichi wailed, knowing he should’ve walked Suga home. He screamed profanities for what seemed like an eternity, rocking back and forth like a child as he shrieked. It felt like his chest was tearing open and exposing his heart. He could feel everything inside him ripping and becoming open to the hot air. All he could taste was salt, and his shirt was covered with a mix of mucus and tears. He couldn’t even bring himself to stand. Daichi knew that he was to blame for what happened. Eventually, he collapsed onto the floor from screaming and crying, falling asleep for three hours. After waking back up, he continued to just sit in his room, the shock finally setting in. His chest still ached, his head felt like someone was running a drill through his temples. Everything hurt so badly. Daichi knew he didn’t want to face the team, he was far too ashamed that he had let Suga down. But he knew the team deserved to know what happened to their other setter. So Daichi pulled himself together and went to the school. Everyone was focused intently on practising, determined to improve in the wake of their narrow defeat.   
“Everyone! Please gather ‘round. I have an important announcement to make.” Daichi yelled over all the shoe squeaks and volleyballs hitting the floor. All that was heard next was the sounds of their shoes running to Daichi, and then silence.   
“Last night, Sugawara attempted to take his own life. He’s currently in the Intensive Care Unit being monitored closely. He is stable for now.” Daichi fought out, trying hard not to cry again. His voice was rough from screaming so many times, but he wanted to do it again. Every other word broke slightly, and he hoped no one noticed.  
Everyone was dead silent for multiple minutes as the heavy news set in. Eventually, Noya began to sob.   
“Kageyama…” He began, his voice turning from sadness to rage. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT” Noya screamed, raising his fist in Kageyamas direction. Kageyama wasn’t even crying. The only emotion on his face was regret and shock. Rare things to see on the Kings face. Noya began to swing his fist but was restrained by Asahi, who had also begun to cry. Noya tried to fight against Asahi as Kageyama sat there, staring at the ground. He couldn’t even look Nishinoya in the eyes. Kageyama said nothing. He was silent. Hinatas eyes were swollen with tears as he broke down and collapsed against kageyama, but the king didn’t even move.  
“YOU BASTARD!!!” Noya shrieked. “YOU DID THIS!! YOU MADE HIM FEEL THAT WAY!!” He screamed while sobbing and swinging. Asahi was still holding him by his waist, restraining him from hitting Kageyama. Eventually, Noyas’ rage turned from Kageyama to Daichi.   
“AND YOU!!!! WHY DIDNT YOU PUT HIM IN MORE?? HOW DIDNT YOU SEE THE SIGNS DAICHI?? YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE HIS BEST FRIEND” Noya wailed.   
“I….I did see the signs….I knew how he felt….” Daichi said softly.   
“WHAT?!?” Noya screamed   
“I DID SEE THE SIGNS. HE TOLD ME.” Daichi yelled, his voice breaking and tears gushing down once more. His strong facade shattered.   
The whole team went quiet, staring at Daichi.   
“And you….you didn’t do anything?” Hinata said softly, his voice unsteady and wobbling, not wanting to believe Daichi ignored how Suga felt.   
Daichi didn’t even look up. Noya broke free of Asahi’s grip and came flying to Daichi, punching him dead in the jaw. Asahi and Tsukki had to work together to restrain Noya from hitting Daichi again. Tears still streamed down Noyas face. Asahi begged Noya to stop. Daichi didn’t even fight or flinch when Noyas fist connected, he didn’t even think about the pain. He knew it was infinitesimal compared to what Suga was going through. And hell, Daichi thought he deserved the punch.   
Eventually, Noyas rage subdued and turned into sadness, as he began to punch the wall, free from Asahi and Tsukishima's grip. Noya collapsed against the wall, tears running down his face. Asahi was at Noyas side, still crying but trying to stop the tears. Tsukki was silent, only staring at the ground. Yamaguchi was sobbing softly, holding Tsukkis hand.. Tanaka was wailing. Noya wasn't yelling anymore. He was almost silent, all for his sobs. Kageyama was still in shock, though his eyes had started to water. Hinata was crying and leaning against Kageyama. Daichi was crying. Ennoshita was crying. Coach Ukai and Sensei were crying. Everyone was shocked.   
They all went home that night, not caring to resume practice. Daich went to the hospital to visit Suga, who was in a medically induced coma to let his body heal. He looked frail and thin.  
I did this… Daichi thought, looking at Sugawaras weak state. If it weren’t for the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, Suga would have actually looked dead. 

Every day, Daichi would visit Suga. The team tried to, but Suga constantly refused to see them. He told Daichi that when he saw the team next would be when he got his strength back. He couldn’t let the team see him so frail. Daichi complied with sugas wishes. After a few weeks, Suga was allowed to go home. Daichi stayed with him almost every night to make sure Suga didn’t attempt again. Suga was still so unstable. But eventually, Daichi had to go back to devoting his time to Volleyball. He still had a team to run after all.  
Daichis visits decreased to once a night, then every few days, then to maybe once a week. Suga had grown more and more frail, being only about 100 pounds at most. Daichi was scared that if he held Suga too tight, Suga would shatter like glass. 

Eventually, Suga worked up enough courage to go see the team. He wasn’t as strong as he would have liked but he couldn’t put it off any further.   
Sugawara stood in the doorway of the gymnasium. It was great to see everyone still playing. But they looked so happy. Their moves were so precise, and they moved perfectly in unison. They were better without him, in suga's eyes. Though, Suga still smiled and stood there. Eventually Daichi noticed him and ran over, almost knocking Suga over with a hug. Of course, everyone else followed suit. Before they knew it, everyone was one big dogpile, each person telling Suga how much they all missed him. Daichi scolded everyone for overpowering Suga and made everybody climb off.   
Practice resumed, but Kageyama took a break to come apologise to Suga, but Suga wouldn’t hear it.   
“Kageyama. You did nothing wrong. Please, don’t blame yourself. Now get out there and whoop some ass” Suga said with a smile.   
After watching the boys play for a bit, Suga turned to Daichi.   
“I’m so proud of the team you’ve made.” Sugawara said, his eyes devoid of the light that used to fill them. Daichis heart cracked looking into those dull eyes, but he still smiled and thanked Suga.   
“It was hard adjusting without you, suga. You were an amazing member of our team.” Daichi spoke softly as he looked at Suga again.   
Suga only chuckled a little bit and just stood silently, watching the rest of practice. Daichi and Suga ended up going home together and having a sleepover at daichis house. They watched movies and ate snacks, like all the old times from before the incident. But there was still just a little bit of awful tension. Suga and Daichi ignored it though, both blaming it on themselves. Daichi noticed suga getting a little down again, but he figured it was just because Suga had attended the practice. The next evening, Suga packed up his stuff and daichi walked him home. Though, when Daichi returned, there was a note seated on his desk. It was written in Sugawaras elegant handwriting. 

Opening the letter, Daichi felt something heavy on his chest. He felt like something was wrong. Beginning to read the letter, he began to understand what was causing the feeling. It was a suicide note from Suga, apologizing for not meeting Daichis standards, apologizing for feeling inadequate, apologizing for how he felt. Daichi couldn't even finish the letter. He dropped it onto his desk, immediately running out of his house and bolting to Sugas. He couldn’t even feel the tears streaming down his face as he ran. His mind filled with horrid images of sugawara dead. Slit wrists, broken neck, bleeding out, empty pill bottles. Daichi couldn't handle it. He began to run faster, eventually making it to Sugas and praying it wasn’t too late. Sugas parents weren’t home, so Daichi just burst in and ran to sugas room. And there Suga was, raising his hand to his mouth. In his hand there was a pill. Sugas other hand, the one holding the bottle, was shaking hard and causing a rattling sound. Tears streamed down Sugas face as he popped the pill into his mouth. Daichi lurched forward, slamming the pills out of sugas hand. The bottle was still mostly full. Suga hasn’t taken many just yet. The pills flew all over the room. Water spilled out of sugas mouth, the pill with It. Sugas eyes widened in shock as Daichi crashed into the floor.   
“I-... Daichi!!” Suga yelled in surprise.   
Daichi sat up from the dive, beginning to sob even harder.   
“Suga...please….not again…” Daichi choked out through his sobs. Daichi held sugas wrists close to him and had his head hung. Both of them were kneeling on the ground, Sugas face twisted with shock and guilt.   
“You mean too much to me Suga!!” Daichi continued. “I….I love you!!!” Daichi fought out. Suga’s eyes widened as his face went red.  
“Daichi...I-“ Suga began   
“No!!! Let me finish!” Daichi yelled. “I love you. I love the way you make everyone smile, and always know what to say. I love your dedication to your team and to your sport. I love your face and your eyes and your smile and your hair and everything about you!!! I love the look in your eyes when you throw a toss, or when you score that point. I love all of it Sugawara!! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU” Daichi sobbed, breaking down and putting his head on suga’s chest. Almost every word,his voice would waver, and sometimes even break. Daichi was still holding Suga by his wrists, holding them close to his body.   
“Daichi...did you ever finish the letter?” Suga said softly.   
“....no”  
Suga smiled a little in amusement. “Well let me tell you what it said.  
‘Daichi. I’ve been holding it back for a while not, but before I go I need to let you know this. I am in love with you, Daichi Sawamura. I have been since our first year together. I know you probably don’t feel the same way, but I didn’t want to leave you without telling you. I wish things had been different Daichi. You’re so amazing, and the team you’ve built is astounding. I wish I had the strength to stand with you Guys again, but I can’t go on. I’m sorry Daichi... I love you.’”   
Suga removed one of his hands from Daichis grip and placed it on daichis chin, gently pushing up his face to meet their eyes. Daichi was still crying, but no words were coming out. He was too shocked. Sugawara tilted his head slightly and connected their lips. They stayed like this for what felt like hours, before Suga had to break the kiss for air. Daichi almost immediately grabbed sugas face gently and pulled him right back into the kiss. The both of them had wanted this since first year, and they finally had it. They finally had one another. The rest of the world melted away as Suga climbed into daichis lap and put his arms around the other boy's neck. Air be dammed, they didn’t break the kiss for an eternity. But then they did, both of their faces were flushed red as the boys breathlessly stared into one another’s eyes.  
“Suga...I…” Daichi began, but was immediately cut off by Suga.   
“Yes, Daichi. I will be your boyfriend” Suga said, kissing Daichi for a third time. It just felt so right to be in his arms.   
This time it was Daichi who broke the kiss. “Goddamn Suga. You’re a really good kisser.”  
Suga laughed. “Thank you!! You aren’t so bad yourself.”  
Daichi leaned in for another kiss but yawned before making it.   
“As much as I really don’t wanna end this Moment, I am exhausted.” Daichi said nervously.   
Suga nodded.  
“Can I….Can you hold me tonight, Daichi?” Suga asked timidly.   
Daichi smiled, nodding. Though, before they could sleep, they had to pick up all The pills and water Daichi slapped out of Sugas hands before. After cleaning up and disposing of the pills for good, the two climbed into sugas bed, dead exhausted. Suga gave Daichi a goodnight kiss, and Daichi passed right out. Suga laid on daichis chest, soaking in his warmth. Tonight had felt like a dream to both of them, and when they woke they stared at each other until Suga had the guts to kiss Daichi again, confirming all that had Happened was true.   
Daichi began devoting much more time to Suga, taking him on dates and stuff like that. Suga was still too frail to ever return to play for Karasuno, but he came to every match. Whenever the thoughts of inferiority came back to haunt Suga, all he had to do was look at Daichi and everything else went away. Every second Daichi wasn’t playing volleyball, he spent at sugas side. Suga was homeschooled, his parents' decision. Though, it was nice not to have to deal with everyone there.

Suga and Daichi still stayed together long after graduation. Daichi became a police officer, and Suga became an elementary school teacher. They still met up with the team occasionally, but it was hard to find the right time for everyone. But every day, Daichi would stop by the school to see Suga. Eventually, they got married. The whole Karasuno team was there supporting them. After the ceremony, Suga threw the bouquet up and daichi spiked it into the crowd. It hit Kageyama dead in the face, and everyone cheered as Hinatas face turned a dark red. Daichi and Suga ended up becoming foster parents and eventually adopting a kid they got attached to (he was the second kid they ever fostered). They named their son Karasu. Whenever Suga got down, he just talked to Daichi and that made everything okay. They still watched volleyball together, and even taught their son how to play too. Suga never made another attempt after that night in high school. He never needed to. But, he never regretted what he did either. To Suga, it made him the luckiest man alive.


End file.
